Re-decision Therapy -- an Example
A young man named Steve* came for therapy after he lost his second job in less than a year. He quit his first job after only six months of employment because, as Steve said, "I didn't like my boss." On the second job, Steve said he'd been harassed by his boss. He filed a lawsuit against his boss, and although he'd won, he was still angry. Steve recently found a new job, but "the problem is my new boss doesn't respect or trust me, and is always looking over my shoulder."
I ask Steve if he likes his chosen field and he replies: "Yeah, I like it O.K." As he answers, Steve is pouting like a petulant child.
My next question is "What do you want from therapy?" He responds, "I don't know..." and sinks low in his chair, closing his eyes.
I ask again: "Do you like what you do?" Without making eye contact, Steve replies, "I don't know." I wait and finally Steve says, "I guess I'd like something else."
I ask Steve, "You guess you want or you do want?" While shrugging his shoulders, Steve whispers, "I do want something else."
Steve is still slumped like a child in the chair, so I ask him in a gentle voice, "How old are you right now?"
He replies, "Twelve or thirteen."
"Where are you now? Are you alone?"
"I'm in my bedroom watching TV. My Dad just opened the door without knocking."
"What's happening right now?"
"My dad is shouting at me."
"What is your Dad saying?"
Steve has no trouble shouting his father's words:
"What is wrong with you? You're failing all your classes. All you do is listen to music and sneak out at night to be with your bad friends. The teachers say you're smart but you don't apply yourself. We want you to go to college, but you are just wasting your life."
I say to Steve, "Talk to your Dad."
In a very small child's voice he says:
"Dad, you don't love me. You don't think I'm smart. You tell me what to do all the time. You don't let me make any choices or decisions for myself. It's always what you want me to do, the college you want me to go to, the job you want me to get-like yours. That's what you want Dad, not what I want. I don't know what I want, but I know it's not that."
Steve stays in the moment as he lifts his head. I suggest he sit straight in his chair, and look his Dad in the eye and tell him something along these lines: "I don't know what I want, but when I'm ready, I'll decide, not you."
Steve repeats this in his own words and adds a few thoughts. By putting it into his own words, Steve has "re-decided" a part of his life. To reinforce this moment, I ask Steve to tell his Dad what he plans to do about work and when he plans to start.
Steve's response is, "I don't know if I can."
I say to Steve: "Are you saying, "I don't know, or I won't do?"
Steve is in silent meditation. Finally, he says in a clear and firm voice:
"I am going to stop fighting with my boss. I'm going back to work tomorrow and giving it a second chance. Maybe my boss is an okay guy. If not, I'll rethink this whole thing."
I ask Steve: "Is this true?" He sits straighter in his chair and replies, "It's true."
In this response we have made a re-decision contract. I ask Steve to pick an "anchor" to keep focused on his change. Steve's choice is to wear a tie to work. This is a perfect choice; it shows self-motivation and determination. By the time we conclude, Steve is more aware of the self-destructive games he plays to keep himself stuck. He has decided to make changes and choices on his own.
There are a few more things Steve and I will discuss at this point, but the drama and intensity of his memories and reactions are the point of focus for the application of the principles of Re-decision Therapy to help him "re-decide his life."
* This person and story is a fictitious illustration of Re-decision Therapy
Re-decision Therapy Defined
The principle and theory behind Re-decision Therapy as stated by its founder Robert Goulding, MD is: "Change your beliefs; change your life." The premise is to free the "stuck" child within from self-imposed false beliefs and the injunctions of others such as: "Don't be different;" "You're too fat;" "You aren't as smart as your brother."
In RT a therapist helps the client to name a specific false belief, express the desired change, and make a contract to "re-decide" for a better life. When making life changes, clients frequently use uncertain phrases like "I'll try" or "I'm going to work on..." Such statements are challenged by the therapist in order to help the client gain self-awareness of false beliefs.
Some false beliefs result in "bad" behaviors, "bad" thinking, or "bad" choices. They are used to rationalize and maintain old habits. Our beliefs keep us from making a decision to live the life we say we want.
So, what is Re-decision Therapy and what makes it different? RT is a highly interactive method of psychotherapy that bypasses your conscious thought patterns to uncover the unconscious thoughts that trip us up and keep us stuck. Re-decision Therapy is a fascinating and rapid method of psychotherapy designed to break through our emotional blocks to success. Unlike traditional "talk therapy" (psychoanalysis) that might take years to "get you out of your own way," RT is designed to work quickly and dramatically to effect successful change.
If you are thinking, "Wouldn't that be wonderful!" then why not give RT a try? Many thousands have benefited from this approach to achieving a life's dream, and many thousands will continue to do so. But what about you? I love helping clients discover a life's path that excites them, that brings them joy, peace and fulfillment. You can "re-decide your life."
Therapist Donna J. Gould, (585) 248-9880
If you are interested in therapy, you may want to know if you are covered by your insurance policy. Find more information about insurance coverage here.
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